i love you, i hate you.

When did everyone decide that "Don't get me anything," meant, "Spend a shitload of money to make me happy."
I understand my friend, not spending anything and simply burning me a cd. I love her for that. But, one guy went all out, buying like, really expensive stuff. I mean, $30-$45 worth of stuff. Why? I mean, really. How many times must I say that gifts do nothing but make me feel extremely guilty? So, I now have to find a way to pay this dude back for the thought, without giving him what he really wants... Yes, indeed, it is what you're thinking...

Along with the gifts...

It seems all of my dude friends have made this retarded pact to tell me how they really feel...all on the same freaking day. What the hell? I mean, damn, I'm not even remotely pretty. I admit, I'm a fucking sweetheart. We get it. The girl that keeps her fucking innocence in a fucking locked steel box. But can a kind heart really attract that many people...? Seriously..?

I recently found out my closest male friends likes me. Loves me, even. The one who's shoulder I constantly cry on. The one I tell absolutely everything to. The one that will sit there and text me at 1am when my parents fight, simply to ensure I don't do anything rash or stupid. The one who can tell when my smile is fake, and knows how to make it real. The one who can read me like a freaking book without my saying a word. The one who is so morbidly sweet and polite and insane, like he crawled out of a freaking fantasy novel, and would only need to speak in a British accent and wear a black suit at all times to complete the character.
As I heard the light whisper of three small words enter my ear, as it processed in my mind, I could not conjure a response. It's as if his words had left me completely tongue-tied. It came as such a shock to me, that someone such as this would think of me as anything more than a friend. Alas, when my mind began to turn again, it was too late to reply anything. However, my reaction was to say, "I hate you." As if the entire thing were some sick, strange joke. Yet, as he said those words, the look on his face was calm, cool, content, with no sign of suppressed laughter.
As I sit here and write this entry, I still have no clue as to what my response should have been. I am completely ignorant when it comes to such things. Relationships, that is. How they start, how they end, how they should run, how to say no...
How to reply to a simple statement. A simple statement that could literally change everything.
Well, happy sweet sixteen, my dear. You got the turning point you hoped for.
Next time, be careful with your wishes. Such things should not be taken so lightly.